There’s a version of pregnancy, labour, birth, early motherhood, and parenting that’s carefully curated — filtered through soft lighting, smiling babies, and phrases like “blessed” and “beautiful.”
And then there’s the other version. For many, the real version.
The version no one warned you about. The version whispered in DMs, shared behind closed doors, or not shared at all.
The version that leaves many new parents wondering: “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
So let’s talk about it.
Let’s talk about these stories and parts of the perinatal experience that are very real, very human—and very hidden.
🩸 Perineal Tearing, Pooping, Pain, and the Raw Reality of Birth
Birth is powerful. But it’s also profoundly physical.
Many people experience perineal tearing, stitches, or pain that lingers for weeks. Others feel ashamed or shocked by the fact that they pooped, or will poop, during delivery—a completely normal and common part of the process.
You might have been told, “All that matters is a healthy baby.”
But you matter, too.
Your body, your dignity, your experience—they deserve acknowledgement, conversation, space, and care.
🧠 Not Loving Your Baby Right Away
This one carries heavy shame, but it’s more common than we acknowledge.
Some new parents look at their baby and feel… nothing.
Or worse, they feel regret. Resentment. Fear.
If that’s you, you’re not alone.
Bonding is not always instant. The rush of love that the books promised might come later—or come and go. That doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you a human adjusting to an enormous transition.
Therapy can help you acknowledge and move through those feelings instead of hiding them.
💔 Losing a Sense of Self
You may love your baby fiercely and still mourn your former life.
Your freedom. Your time. Your body. Your identity.
Maybe you don’t recognize yourself anymore, or maybe you feel like you’re constantly performing a role instead of inhabiting your own skin.
This is perinatal identity loss, and it’s real. It’s not just “baby blues.”
It’s a deep, disorienting experience that deserves to be named—and supported.
🙍🏻♀️ The Fear of Not Being Good Enough
You may lie awake at night replaying every moment:
Did I respond fast enough? Am I breastfeeding the right way? Did they cry because of me?
The pressure to be “perfect” is relentless—and unrealistic. Some say it’s impossible.
Many new parents live with chronic self-doubt, comparison, and the quiet belief that they’re doing it all wrong.
This kind of internalized pressure can lead to anxiety, depression, or a deep sense of failure.
You deserve more than reassurance. You deserve space to unpack it, challenge it, and feel supported in the reality—not the performance—of parenting.
🌿 If Any of This Resonates…
You are not alone. You are not broken. And you are not failing.
You are navigating one of the most intense and complex transitions of your life—physically, emotionally, relationally, and existentially.
Therapy offers a space where nothing is too messy, too dark, or too taboo to talk about.
Where you can bring your fears, come as you are. And where healing begins not with advice, but with being witnessed.
If you’re ready to start that conversation, our mental health team is here.
As one of the Registered Psychotherapists at Oona, Kimberly can offer you a free 15-minute meet and greet consultation to see how we might work together toward improving and restoring feelings of balance, wellbeing, and acceptance. Oona also has other experienced mental health practitioners, should another approach better suit your needs.
Your story matters.
